Removed pt.1

me-and-c-2“But when she could no longer hide him, she got a papyrus basket for him and coated it with asphalt and pitch. She placed the child in it and set it among the reeds by the bank of the Nile.”   Exodus 2:3

Throughout my journey with God, I have felt his yes and no answers.  I say felt because His voice is not audible, but more or less a pounding in my soul.  He told me yes when I prayed about marrying my husband.  He told me no when I was a part of a church that I needed to move from.  Sometimes the obedience is easy.  I desired to marry my husband.  My heart loved him deeply.  I felt God leading me away from that church and calling me to somewhere different.

In my journey, there have been times where God’s no was not welcome.  Obedience was the last thing I wanted.  The sacrifice was too great.  Four years ago, I was living and breathing “Women’s Ministry” in my church.  I enjoyed leading Bible Studies and speaking before groups of women.  I was passionate about breathing God’s truth into the lives of women, that He is greater than all of their struggles through womanhood, marriage, and parenting.

Upon expecting our fourth child, God pressed in on me to give it all up.  He asked me to lay down all that I felt called to do.  Give it all to him.  Its as if I had to relinquish my deeply loved child, as Jochebed surrendered Moses to the reeds that day.

I cannot imagine her pain.  I dare say she made that basket and placed him in it with a smile on her face.  I mean, aren’t there crocodiles?  What if the Pharaoh did find him?  Would he die anyway?   Hebrews 11:23 says that Moses parents hid him for three months because they did not fear the king’s edict that all baby boys must be killed.  They are mentioned in Hebrews 11, known as the Heroes of Faith.  If they weren’t afraid of the edict, then they must have had complete peace about placing their beloved infant in that basket.

God, what about my gift, my calling, my passion?  Why would you give this to me only to take it all away?  Remove it he did. Every last bit.

to be continued…

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11 thoughts on “Removed pt.1

  1. So glad there is a part 2! I have been in a very similar place the past five years after feeling God calling me to leave my position in youth ministry. It has been so hard. I look forward to reading more about your journey as–as much as I have tried–it is still something I am struggling with.

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